Hey Kaiba Files
by Narf Lords
Summary: Warning! This story is in the genre of HUMOR, and is written in email form. It depicts Kaiba as the main character, actually friends with Yugi and uniting via email to evade the evil that lurks within Kaiba's company.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: This was made just for fun, and was taken from Yu-Gi-Oh!, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Lord of the Rings, Gattica, and other influences, as well as our own creations. _**

**_k: Just to let readers know, if indeed there are any, my technology is ultimate, and will withstand and deflect any and all reviews that do not have my approval. _**

**_L: Um, Kaiba, don't scare away anyone._**

**_k: ..._**

**_L: All right, just upload the files._**

****

****

**_. . . UPLOADING . . ._**

****

**Scream and Run Away. THE CHEZZZE IS COMING!!!**

...system override...send message...message sent...

k: well, that's done.

...warning

k: what?

...warning...system deleting past knowledge...

k: stop that!

...is stopped...respectably remind you that you do not know

everything...BLAH!!!

The Head: You thought me gone!? OH HOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

k: good grief!

The Head: cries NOT THE GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!! POOF

k: Yeah! He's gone!

The Cheeze: BLAH!

k: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

...you are too loud...

k: shut up computer! I'm screaming here!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

...respectably tell you to shut up...

k: NEVER!

...SHUT UP YOU DOLT!...

k: Oooookkkkaaayyy...Hey, why did your polite manner go?

...HEY

k: Oh dear...

HEY KAI

k; my name is not kai!

HEY KAIIIIIIIIIBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

k: that's better. OH NO!

HEY KAIBA

HEY KAIBA

HEY KAIBA

HEY KAIBAHEY KAIBA

HEY KAIBAHEY KAIBAHEY KAIBAHEY KAIBA

The Cheeze: Blah!

HEY CHEEZE HEY CHEEZE HEY CHEEZE

K; Great! Now you shall suffer instead of me! No more will I hear Hey

Kaiba!!!

Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba HEeeeeyyyyyy KKaaaaiiibbbbaaa! Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba Hey

KAIBA!!!

kAIBA KAIBA KAIBA

HEY KAIBA GOOD NIGHT!!!

k: snore

The Head: Woot!

The Cheeze: Blah

The Head: I can see the start of a wonderful friendship!

Brought to you be the makers of cheeze and heads: We're

always working! And by: the cooperation of Kaiba, a universe all it's own.

Legolas: Never read this again for the sake of Middle Earth or

your sanity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Enter Yugi**

Yugi: Oh no! they are after Kaiba, too. Those who think that they are the only ones who should control computers so they can store classified information on them!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!

takes sledgehammer to toaster. Becomes upset. Then recovers

I never liked that toaster anyway

Something unknown to us for now: AAAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!

Yugi: What in the name of all things bright and beautiful?

SUTUFN: I have come to take over your computer and, since you can't see me, it should be an easy task!! AAAAHHH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!

Yugi: You have a stupid laugh!

SUTUFN: Yeah...Well... You don't look good.

Yugi: ...whatever...

SUTUFN: YOUR COMPUTER IS MINE!!!!!!!

nothing happens

Yugi: Did you take my computer?

SUTUFN: Does it LOOK like I took your computer?

Yugi: Well, considering that it's still in front of me, there is a slight possibility...

SUTUFN: You are so dumb! AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Yugi: HAHA! STUPID LAUGH!! HAHAHAHAHAH...

Computer disappears while laughing. Yugi stops laughing

HEY! Where'd my computer go?

cheeze,out of nowhere in particular: YOU ARE A WEAKER CHEEZE THAN KAIBA! YOU ARE A WEAKER CHEEZE THAN KAIBA...

Yugi: WWWAAAAHHHHH! You hurt my feelings!!!

Uniformed men burst in through Yugi's door

Yugi: HEY!! You can't do that! Do you have a warrant? Go away!

Uniformed men take Yugi away.

This message was brought to you by the Company of the Uniformed Men's association who really have no Idea what Mr. Yugi was thinking when he wrote this. It is also unknown to the Company of the Uniformed Men's Association how he wrote this with no computer! They believe he is insane.

P.S: The Company of the Uniformed Men's Association prefer chocolate over vanilla! Yum!


	3. Chapter 3

**HEEEEEYYYYYYYY YUUUUGGGGGIIIIII!!!**

k: Dude, Yugi e-mailed me!

The cheeze: Blah!

k: blah yourself. Yay I'm so happy!

The cheeze: Hey Kaiba, are you happy?

k; What? Of course I am! Didn't I just say so? stops in horror Wait a minute...

HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA

k: You stupid cheeze! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE IT START?!

The cheeze: It's not my fault you're name is Kaiba. Hey, guess what Kaiba?

k: WHAT?!

The cheeze: Your new name could be Hey Kaiba! Isn't that great?

k: NO IT IS'NT!!!

HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA HEY KAIBA (continues)

k: ARGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! runs

The cheeze: This laptop is now mine to control!! Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!! No one shall be able to resist my tasty substance!!! NO ONE!!!

SHORTLY AFTER THIS WAS WRITTEN, WE APPROACHED THE ITEM OF FOOD AND TRIED TO ERASE WHAT HAD BEEN DONE. UNFORTUENTLY (PLEASE EXCUSE SPELLING AS I AM NOT KAIBA, WHO THINKS HE IS SO GOOD AT SPELLING...WHERE WAS I? OH YES) UNFORTUENTLY, THANKS TO KAIBA, WE CANNOT DELETE ANY MESSAGE THAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. WELL, YOU KNOW THE STORY AND WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT YOU WILL BELIEVE US WHEN WE SAY THAT THE CHEEZE IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN KAIBA COULD EVER BE.

WE MAY YET REGRET SAYING THOSE WORDS.

Legolas: How interesting...I should look at these messages more often. I wonder if Kaiba sent me any.

Heyyyy Legooo!!!

Legolas: What? A foul voice is upon the air!

Heeeeyyyyyyy Leeeeggggoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Legolas: pretends to be Gandalf Be gone!

voice fades away Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

The cheeze: Blah!

Legolas: Ah!

The cheeze: Oh, it's just an elf.

Legolas: How mean! I'm offended!

The cheeze: Blah.

Legolas: You're just a big blob of blah aren't you? Go melt somewhere!

The cheeze: The elfy life's gonna kill you! The elfy life's gonna kill you!

Legolas: $ YOU!

Head: pops up out of nowhere Legolas, PG warning on this message! disappears.

Legolas: Grrrrrrr...

The cheeze: whispers The elfy life's gonna kill you! disappears.

HAVING KICKED THE ELF NAMED LEGOLAS (WE PERSONALLY THINK THAT HE WAS IMPERSONATING THE LEGOLAS FROM THE HIT MOVIE THE LORD OF THE TODAY SHOW...WHAT'S THAT? OH SORRY, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. WHERE WAS I? YES, WELL THAT'S WHAT WE THINK) HAVING KICKED THE ELF OFF OF THE LAPTOP WE HAVE DECIDED TO SEND THIS MESSAGE ONWARDS. WE CAN DO NOTHING ELSE IT SEEMS. OTHERS WILL KEEP WRITING IN IT OTHERWISE. YOU MUST NEVER SEND KAIBA ANY REPLIES.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

k: I shall click send, and it shall be sent. Send!

ps: I do like replies, you know. Just don't say the words! Okay, now...Send!


	4. Chapter 4

**SOMETHING UNKNOWN TO US FOR NOW**

Something Unknown To Us For Now ( SUTUFN): My name is really too long. I shall change it to... Gus.

cheeze: Blah!! Blah,Blah and... Blah!!!! Ha ha!!!

Gus: ...whatever... strange cheeze thingy. I have no time for the likes of YYYOOOUUU ( prolongs the word YOU. Turns attention elsewhere) I now have Yugi's " Oh So Great" computer with which now I shall use to send unimportant messages to everyone on his contact list. Plus other stupid things which I am so talented in doing with computers.BBBUUHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!... who am I talking to?

( Looks over to chair next to him )

Gus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! who are you?

Captain Kirk: I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Star Ship Enterprise...

Gus: Whatever. I must shoot you now for you have overheard my incredibly evil scheme.

Captain Kirk: Oh no you won't! Beam me up, Scotty...

BAM! ( Captain Kirk disintegrates)

Gus: Now, where was I...( types infuriatingly, then stops.)

I fell an uncontrollable urge to spin in my spinning chair. ( spins in chair) WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

So much fun. So Much.

Cheeze: Blah. You suck! ...Blah

Gus: If you don't shut up, I will disintegrate you too.

Ranch tooth: RAnch! RAnch! Ranch, ranch ranch ranch ranch!!!!

Gus: ...What the... What are you doing...HOW IS EVERYONE GETTING INTO MY EVIL LAIR????????????????????

Orc: We took the front door, you Mordor rat!

( Gus looks at door only to find it wide open. Goes over and closes it)

Gus: OK. I can take the cheeze and the orc. They are both annoying, evil, and impossible to get rid of. But.. the Ranch Tooth. I don't get it.

Ranch Tooth: Ranch, ranch ranch ranch ranch ranch...

( blows up)

Orc: How did that happen?

Gus: I blew him up!! How do you think it happened?

SPOK, OF THE STAR SHIP ENTERPRISE: THIS E-MAIL WAS FOUND BY SOME UNKNOWN THINGY( GUS) LOCATED SOMEWHERE WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO LOCATE ON OUR DATABASE AND SENT TO US ( BECAUSE WE ARE ON MR. YUGI'S CONTACT LIST, OF COURSE. WE ARE THAT IMPORTANT AND HAVE PURCHASED ITEMS FROM HIS GRANDFATHERS GAME STORE.) BY THE UNKNOWN THINGY.BUT WHEN WE FIND THE UNKNOWN THINGY, OH, THERE WILL BE TROUBLE. RIGHT, SCOTTY?

SCOTTY: RIGHT, MR. SPOK.

SPOK: ALRIGHT. WARP SPEED, MR. SULU.AND...AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**A Letter To Yugi**

Yugi,

It has come to my understanding that you have been "passing the torch" so to speak, about the undertaking I have started, the gathering of recuits to the computer. I am sending you this e-mail to ask for a meeting of messages, if you will. It must be top secret! I will send Kaiba Corporation Troops to your aid! Use them wisely. I am currently hiding out in...well, I can't tell you. Greatest regards, Kaiba.

E: Daaannggggg!!! I kont e raseee tis thing! SOooooooOOOOOooooOOO Bllllaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

ZzZ: Like, yeah.

Bass: Hey, check out this bass I caught!

ZzZ: Like, dude.

E: Tis isss furry boorreinggg! ING!

ZzZ: Like, yeah.

Bass: Hey, let's go eat my bass okay?

ZzZ: Like, ya!

E: Yessss. We shat leaf tis stem! they leave the computer

k: wtf? Who are these people?! I leave for a few minutes and then look at this!

the cheeze: BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Boo-Ya!!!

k: Argh!

The Head: Dude, i ate an annoying person...WOW!

the cheeze: blah.

Kight from holy grail: Exxxactly!

All????

k: ok, all of you guys have to leave my space.

Kight from holy grail: What also floats on water?

the cheeze: Bread!

The Head: Churches!

Dirty peasant: Very small rocks!

k: A duck!

Kight from holy grail: Exactly! So...?

The Head: If the laptop weighs the same as a duck...then it's made of wood!

Kinght from holy grail: And therefore?

All??? then A witch!!!

the cheeze: Throw it into the pond!

k: no! not my laptop!!! gets thrown aside

Legolas: Halt! You shall not pass! (do I still sound like Gandalf?) Why are you calling the laptop a witch?

k: don't ask, they're crazy! Just get it back!!!

a struggle ensues, in which kaiba and legolas emerge victors.

k: if Yugi reads this please respond quickly! I fear my power cords are getting worn out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Replie**

Hey Kaiba!! It's Yugi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to hear that your laptop was accused of witchcraft. You must be doing some serious mourning, dude. I appreciate you sending your Kaiba Corporation Troops to help defeat the Company of the Uniformed Men's Association, but will they all fit into the game shop???

Fang: I want to destroy things!! Breakable things!! And squash bugs!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH

Yugi: Fang, get away from the cicomaprhi oauisdho iaiohdf ! Fang!!!! sorry kaiba. FANG JUST GOT IN THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! FANG! She pressed the caps lock and pushed on my hand while I wrote "way". UUUGGGHHH She's sooooooooooooooo annoying. But she's not evil.

Golem: My precious . my precious shall be united with me after all these years. Where's my precious?????

Yugi: wtf? I thought you died at the end of that movie??

Golem: Dude, that was just a stupid movie!!!...I WANT MY PRECIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang: I think I destroyed your precious. But I'm not sorry.

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yugi: I got a hair cut a while ago. And I escaped the clutches of the Company of the Uniformed Men's Association. I am also being followed.

Ranch tooth: Ranch Ranch! By who?

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yugi: What?? Who are... never mind. I am being followed by this big thing with the name " Gus" wrote on his head in permanent marker. Hey Look!!!!!!!!!!! He's over there!!!

( all look out window at big thing with " Gus" wrote on head in permanent marker)

Gus: YES!! It is I , Gus!! HUH? Ranch tooth? I thought I destroyed you!!!!!!!!!!!

Ranch tooth: Ranch ranch ranch ranch ...ranch!!!

Gus: Let's not be hasty, tooth. I understand your pain and misery. I can put you out of it for just one thing.

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Ranch tooth: RANCH!!!!!  
GUs: Fine. I'll just have to get it myself.

What is it that Gus wants? Does Yugi's hair look better than it did on T.V? And will Golem ever get used to the fact that his stupid precious ring was destroyed? Tune in to the next e-mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**dude!**

k: well! Sounds busy over there. Hey, Legolas, what do you think  
of it?

Lego: mumbles over not being able to type his name properly on the  
laptop

k: What?

Legi: mumbles some more

k: Hey, can I call you Legi? Or Lego? I think I already called you  
Lego once though...

Leggy: ARGH!

k: Ok calm down. Maybe it's a setting on the writing program or  
maybe a chip imbedded or...

(no one really understands what kaiba is talking about, other than  
that it has something to do with computers)

k: Who wrote that? I wasn't looking.

Leo Grog: Guess who wrote this? Legoi...argh...Well, I don't know  
who but the thing in brackets, I was busy.

k: Doing what?

LG: sighs at the name Like brushing my hair! Find out how to fix   
this!

k: holds up a hand be quiet. I need concentration. types around  
with stuff Try it now.

Leeeeggoooollasss: Hey! I spelled my name right! Too many letters  
though.

k: Hmmmmm...what about now?

Leg-o-ass: blushes Ahhhh!!! Look at what it did!  
k: covers laughter um, yes. Well, I have to ponder this problem.  
Here, I'll get rid of whatever I just did, explaining it would only  
confuse you. walks away after

(funny name stuff)

LeGoLaaasssss: Who wrote that?!

(hahahahahaha!)

Lalalass: freaking out There's no one here! Kaiba! Where are  
you?!

(the master of the laptop has left you to your fate!)

Laughinglego: No! Kaiba would never!

HEAD: What fate?

the cheeze: BLAH!!!!!

Laughablelas: THIS ISN'T FUNNY YOU STUPID #&$()#$&()#)(#)  
PEOPLE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU EXIST!

HEAD: Well, I am a head. The head of the great druid...ALLANON!!!  
waits Well, you could pretend to be awed and worshiping, you know.

the cheeze: Blah.

HEAD: Everything is blah to you isn't it?

(Fools. You will all submit yourselves to my everlasting power!)

Legs: What power do you have, besides being invisible? I can't even  
see the keys move.

(You wouldn't. I do not need such things. I have the power over  
your names, your identities. I have the power of all things computer,  
including the ultimate weapon: The Internet!)

L: NO! Not The Internet!

(Oh, yes...The Internet can be used against you, if you do not obey  
me.)  
Legolas: Hey, my name is spelt right!

(Because I wish it to be.)

Legolas: falls to knees Oh, your greatness!

the cheeze: Blah. disappears

HEAD: Blah right. The laptop really is a witch. disappears in  
search of Knight from the holy grail

k: What is all this? Oh, well. I guess I'll never know.

(Soon, Kaiba, soon you will know. I will let you know everything.   
Hahahaha!)

...pull the plug


	8. Chapter 8

Gus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The head won't get to the Kight from the holy grail in time because...well, guess. JUST GUESS YOU STUPID RANCH TOOTH!!

Ranch Tooth: Ranch.

Gus: Exactly, my friend. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

( Door slams open and lighening strikes in the background giving small freak in door a dramatic entrance)

The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy: I am the Dark Lord Chuckles, the Silly Piggy!

( Bigger pig falls in behind him)

TDLCTSP: Oh, and this is my nephew, Knuchles, the...well, he's more stupid than silly.

Knuckles the stupid piggy: Uncle, ( snort) where are all the children??? I want to be the harvest hog!! Tra la la! Tra la la! Tra la...

( KTSP explodes at the hands of TDLCTSP)

TDLCTSP: Well, now that THAT'S taken care of, I PLAN TOOTAKKKKKKKE OVET... wHO'S dOING THAT??????????

( I did)

TDLCTSP: WHo wrote that? I never saw anyone write that!!

Gus: HEy! This is my computer, you stupid hog..

TDLCTSP: pig

Gus: whatever.

Golem: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TDLCTSP: This isn't your computer. It's Yugi's.

Gus: How did you know that??

TDLCTSP: His name is on it.

Gus: Oh.

( You shall all bow to my awesome powers)

Company of the Uniformed Men's Association: We've come to confiscate this computer.We've decided that you are all incapable of possessing such a powerful mechanical device.

Gus, TDLCTSP, brackets person, and Golem: (NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Comapny of the Uniformed Men's Association: Yes.

computer is taken away to the labs of the Company of the Uniformed Men's Association.

BEEP

Company of the Uniformed Men's Association: Attention to anyone who is or may be reading this at anytime. If you have seen any of the following characters, we are assuring you that they are being taken care of and are given the death penalty.

The Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy and his stupid nephew

Fang

Any characters from any Star Trek Series

As for any other weirdos who may be lurking in the depths of our quaint little town, your on your own and are probably screwed.

Yugi: Oh man. I liked Fang. I felt safer with her around. How about you, cheeze?

Cheeze: Blah!!

Yugi: Yeah, me too.

Golem:NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yugi: Oh, get over it.

( Wind blows door open)

Yugi: What in the name of all things bright and beautiful is that?

Duck: quack!!

Yugi: A...duck?

Duck: quack!

cheeze: Blah!

Yugi: Great! Now I have two things living in my house and they only say one thing each!

duck: quack!

cheeze: Blah!

You've got mail

Yugi: Whoa! I've got mail!!

( opens mail)

Yugi: Oh no. my cousins Tito and Jojo are coming. And this was sent two days ago, so they should be coming ...

( door slams open)

Tito and Jojo: WE'RE HEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Yugi: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!! I just had that door fixed!!! Why must people slam my door open when entering??????


	9. Chapter 9

**Destruction of the Witch**

k: wow. Sounds really busy over at Yugis. I don't think I would be able to handle all that, espically the duck!

Legolas: Kaiba I'm telling you, this laptop is cursed. We should go. We should throw it into the pond or something! I don't know why it's letting me type this or spell my name right but it's up to something. I know it is!

k: Legolas calm down. It's just a really high-class computer that I happen to own. Keep an eye out for anybody trying to take it will you?

Legolas: mutters It would be great if they did take it.

The Head: HAHAHAHA!

Legolas: This isn't funny!

k: What's not funny?

Legolas: This!

k: Ok.

The Head: HEY KAIBA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

nothing happens

k: What? No taunting voices shouting my name over and over? No greetings of "Hey" with my name attached? Has the world returned to normal at long last?!

H.E.Y.K.A.I.B.A

hey kaiba kaiba kaiba hey kaiba kaiba kaiba

H.E.Y.K.A.I.B.A

k: Guess it was too good to be true.

the cheeze: BLAH!

k: Yeah, you're still here too eh? Hey Legolas, what's the matter?

legolas is lying face-down on the mouse pad

k: Legolas!!!

H.E.Y.K.A.I.B.A

k: LEGOLAS!!!

H.E.Y.K.A.I.B.A

k: LEGOLAS WAKE UP! Why aren't you waking up?! shakes the elf violently

someone in the woods behind them: is insulted for some reason What's your number!

k: Who are you to ask me such a question?! I HAVE A CRISIS ON MY HEADS! I MEAN HANDS!

someone in the woods behind them: still insulted What's your number! How dare you! What's your number!!!

k: Geez, take a pill.

someone in the woods behind them: I heard that!

the cheeze: Blah?

k: Yeah, there's a psycho in the woods. Maybe it's the Blair Witch. Ha ha. Right, psycho.

the cheeze: Blah.

knight from holy grail: Remember, if the laptop weighs the same as a duck it is made of wood. And therefore...

The Head: A WITCH!

the cheeze: BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!

Legolas: jumps up suddenly THROW IT INTO THE POND! gets struck by lightning and falls

someone in the woods behind them: What's your number!

Legolas: gets up again THROW IT INTO THE POND!!! attempts to lift laptop but it shocks him and he collaspes yet again

k: What is going on?! All you people have gone mad!

someone in the woods behind them: WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER!

k: I DON'T KNOW! 3!

someone in the woods behind them: Ah ha! So YOU are the infamous person formally known as Visser 3! I knew it!

k: What? Who's Visser 3?

Visser 3: Andalite scum! See you burn!!! aims a gun at Kaiba DIE!!!!

k: Noooooooooo!!! slow motion jumps to the side avoiding the shot

a huge boom shakes the area as the shot intended for Kaiba hits the laptop

the cheeze: Bllllaaaaahhh!

The Head: Wooo!

Legolas: What!? What happened?!

k: I don't know.

Legolas: Oh. AHHH! WHO IS THAT???!!!

k: Who?

Legolas: THAT! points at Visser 3

k: He tried to kill me but I'm unexpendable. After all, I'm the main character.

Visser 3: No wonder I couldn't kill those bandits! remembers Kaiba and aims gun again Prepare to die scum!

Legolas: Didn't he just figure out that he couldn't kill anyone?

k: Yeah, but he has to forget it in order to shoot at me again and be the bad guy.

Legolas: Oh. How can we still be typing?

k: I have an extra laptop that I keep in my briefcase in case something like this happens. It's not as good, but it will do for now.

Legolas: Oh. Is he going to shoot us first?

Visser 3: Quiet scum! I don't know if I should kill you first!

someone in the woods behind them: What's your number!?

Visser 3: It's #1 right now! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

someone in the woods behind them: Yet you call yourself Visser 3! Ha! Worm, how dare you assume that you can be #1! That's my role! What's your number! The real one, you in-valid!

Visser 3: shoots in the direction of the woods behind him Andalite scum! No one else would be so annoying!

Knight from holy grail: The witch!

Visser 3: What?

The Head: HE HAS A GUN!

Legolas: THROW HIM INTO THE POND!!!

they all haul Visser 3 off and dump him into the pond

someone in the woods behind them: HA! What's his number NOW I wonder!?

k: Yes, I wonder too. What a weird day this has been.


	10. Chapter 10

**Werewolf Flying Squirrel**

K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K A K A I K A I B K A I B A KAIBA KAIBA KAIBA KAIBA KAI-

k: GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!

URGENT MESSAGE FROM HEADQUARTERS...OPEN OR SAVE?

k: well just open, I have enough junk on this thing...

Legolas: Hey Ka-

k: Don't! Don't say my name with that word before it.

Legolas: What word? Kaiba?

k: No! looks around Hey.

Legolas: Yes?

k: No don't say it, you don't continue to say it or ask if you can because you can't. It's dangerous.

Legolas: I did not get a single thought from that. Do you want anything to eat?

k: Do yo have any ceral by any chance? 

Legolas: What's that? We're in the woods Kaiba, next to the pond that we threw that evil-what's-his-name into.

k: You mean Visser 3 right?

Legolas: Yeah that's him. I can get some berries or shoot something.

k: For goodness' sake, don't drag anything in here, you'll ruin my laptop. I've installed solar power, so it'll have a good backup source of energy. continues

Legolas: I'll get the berries...glares at laptop and I'll save some juice for you! walks off

k: Did he just say something? Anyway, what is that message?

THERE IS A WEREWOLF FLYING SQUIRREL IN THE FOREST

YOU ARE INSTRUCTED TO BEWARE

k: well aren't you helpful. Sending imaginary beasties after me. They want my technology! I won't let them have it! picks up laptop and leaves

--------------------------------------------------------------

meanwhile Legolas is in the process of getting lost, while gathering berries. A man in a wheelchair suddenly appears from behind a tree.

Wheelchair Man: What's your number!?

Legolas: Hey! You're the guy whom we called 'someone in the woods behind them' aren't you? You were always screaming 'what's you number' and 'invalid' and lots of other pointless things. How are you? I would shake hands but they're full of berries. Do you want any? 

Wheelchair Man: What's you number!?

Legolas: What's your problem? I don't have a number.

Wheelchair Man: Of course you do, everyone does. Even that evil-what's-his-name had a number. It was 3.

Legolas: Oh, you must mean Visser 3. Me and Kaiba were just talking about him. Weird looking wasn't he?

Wheelchair Man: stares You must have a number.

Legolas: No I don't.

Wheelchair Man: points in accusation I know you are an invalid!

Legolas: Now that's not very nice. I am a very valid elf.

Wheelchair Man: charges toward him INVALID!

Legolas: throws berries at him AHHHHHHH! runs away

----------------------------------------------

k: What was that scream? 

Legolas: HEY KAIBA HELP ME!!!!!!

Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba...

k: Noooooooooo!!!! You stupid elf you- ooofff! falls as Legolas bangs into him, staining the laptop with berry juice

k: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Legolas: HA HA! Take that you evil machine! Trying to brainwash everyone with your screen of ultimate doom? Well not anymore!

k: Are you ok?

Wheelchair Man: So! You lead me to yet another invalid!

Legolas: This guy is driving me insane! He claims I have to have a number, but I never did decide what my faveorite one was. What about you?

k: Is this really a good time to ask? You spilled berry juice on my laptop! I have to find a place to clean it!

Legolas: THROW IT INTO THE POND!

k: Now that's very mature... But I could use the water to wash it off a bit.

Wheelchair Man: Where are you two going?

k: To fix my laptop, coming?

They set out, trying to find the pond that each had left earlier. Night comes, and they see a glimmer of water in the distance.

Legolas: Look water!

k: I can see that thank you.

Wheelchair Man: There's something in the water! WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER!!!

Legolas: HEY don't yell at it!

Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba Hey Kaiba HEY KAIBA

HEEEEYYYYY KKKAAIIIBAAAAAAAA!!!!!

k: Not again!

the creature in the pool suddenly leaps upward, flying toward them.

k: IT'S THE WEREWOLF FLYING SQUIRREL!!!!

All: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


End file.
